{germain topics}

Monday night the Metropolis bike group ended up at Belle Isle, as usual. I had to go to the bathroom, so I broke off from the group and rode through the center of the island, back to the Tim Horton's where everyone regroups after riding around the island. There were a few riders there already. None that I knew well. I asked if anyone would watch my bike because I really had to use the bathroom and a guy I had not met before offered. I ran to the door, only to find it locked. My new friend, Mark suggested the gas station nearby, but I looked in the other direction, finding the Big Boy a finer option. I was going to leave the bike and run over, but he said he'd ride over with me. 

I walked through the glass doors of the restaurant, ant it was like entering the 70s. It really felt as if those doors were a portal to another time. The light was dim, there was some unrecognizable smooth jazz sounding muzak, I had the impression that the walls were wood paneled, though I can't say whether they really were. An older woman saw me scanning the place and pointed to a dim hall, "right there, ma'am." I thanked her and made my way to the restroom, where I found an abnormal amount of glitter and sparkle on the floor. 

On my way out, I noted that she had her hands on a very well loved bible and was drinking coffee. A man had joined her and it appeared that she was reading to him. I said good night and re-entered my own time. As Mark and I were leaving, we were approached by a man who had a big shopping cart full of a bike. He began talking fast to us. telling us an extremely dramatic tale of being nearly sandwiched between two cars on the Slow Roll ride earlier that evening. He started to ask us for money, and Mark said we had no change, I almost agreed, but something told me to give the guy something. I reached into my pocket and gave him what I grabbed. He thanked me and then began telling us a more animated story about a lawsuit and a house - his mother's house and how she died because she was supposed to have a surgery to have a growth removed from her fallopian tube but the doctor accidentally cut out her liver instead, killing her. He was going to meet with a lawyer the following day. He was going to get the deed to  his mother's house back and we could come stay there and there would be food so that we could eat until we were full, eat for days. He was going to sue the doctor who birthed him, too - he pointed out a number of scars on his face and underside if his chin and told us the doctor made big mistakes. This seemed unlikely, it all seemed highly unlikely, because he looked like he was in his 40s and if the doctor who did all the damage, and whose name he could not quite recall,  was still alive, he was definitely old. We asked his name,  "Jermaine," he told us.

He gave me this feeling I first experienced in childhood. My dad had a good friend named Doug. Doug lived in California and was very cool, earrings and a motorcycle and a youthful enthusiasm. One time when he was home visiting, he started telling me about some plan he had, to become a famous singer. He played me a recording of himself singing along with Spandau Ballet. I was young. Maybe 12 and distinctly recall feeling sad for him. Feeling disbelief that he'd ever achieve his unrealistic dream. He had other plans too, I can't recall them anymore, but even as a kid, I knew he was not going to get rich from any of them. Even though he wholeheartedly believed them. I later came to think of people with these kinds of improbable dreams and schemes as grifter types. These grifters might have varying levels of sinister-ness, but they all made me equally sad. 

Jermaine hugged Mark and we told him we had to go. He wanted to pray for us first. 

He said a long convoluted prayer that was mostly the Lord's Prayer but contained a long tangent about how Satan was trying to own the world for 100 years and we must fight against his darkness. He began to tell us all the people he'd lost in recent months. Aunts and cousins. Many losses. After saying the prayer he told us to be safe. He hugged Mark again and we rode away to rejoining the group. 

As we ride away, Mark noted that is was odd. I told him it was not especially odd for me. "Oh, you are one of those people," he said. 

Yes. I am one of those people. 

{the should/could balance}

Make a list of 10 things you should do right now. 

Read the list and decide whether any of these items feels expansive and inspiring. 

Now write a list of the things you could do right now. If you had more money, more time, more energy, whatever. 

Read the list and decide if any of these items feel expansive and inspiring.

I am not going to tell you what you think I am. I am not going to say to throw away the shoulds and focus on the coulds. That would be awesome, but, it is not realistic and most of all, it would probably make you feel bad about yourself and your life. It would make you feel like you should forget about the shoulds and focus on the coulds. It would turn potential into drudgery. That is not our goal.  That kind of thinking turns possibility into pressure. We want to allow each their space. 

Instead, I propose a 50/50 split. 

For every should, you get a could. Kind of like a reward, but more like checks and balances. We have taste buds for savory and sweet foods. Our bodies are designed for participation in both the waking world and the rejuvenation of sleep.

In time and with practice, you can probably work this system so that you have 60% could-time and 40% should-time. You never know.

Start with balance.

This is a lesson in self-care.

{interior landscapes}

Curiosity is everything. 

Literally.

Whether or not you are a believer in the law of attraction, you can't deny that thoughts do, in fact, become things. Before the shoes on your feet were shoes, they were a thought in a designer's mind. The designer put the thought onto paper or into digital form. This was scrutinized by a creative director, approved by a brand, and then manufactured in a factory in a country you've probably never visited. This whole complex, physical manufacturing process began with imagination which is fueled by curiosity. The factory began as a thought or plan, as did the supply chain, and the companies that designed and distributed the shoes. Everything in our modern world has a common origin. 

Everything begins as thought. 

Before there were trains, cars, phones,  or computers, there were thoughts that went something like this, "What if a machine could...."  Curiosity leads to progress, growth, innovation, and change. Curiosity propels us to shift our lives, over and over again. 

As a society, if not individually, we routinely apply curiosity to the exterior world, but what about our inner, emotional and spiritual landscape? How is it that for most people, curiosity is only ever projected outward? Why aren't the inner depths a source of equal wonder? 

Much of our society has not yet learned to value this kind of curiosity. It's a shame because the more we explore our deepest and most personal thoughts and gain emotional intelligence, the more expansive our curiosity can grow.  

I knew a man many years ago who was extremely intelligent, likely a genius on a number of fronts. But, as with so many brilliant people, he was an underachiever.  Instead of making huge contributions to society, he taught everyone he encountered, usually something unexpected. 

One night we played a game. We only played this game once, because it is the kind of game that can only be played once. And though I have not seen or spoken to him in years, I still vividly remember the game and the way my answers illuminated things about myself which I was not concretely or consciously aware of. This game was called The Cube and was not really a game, but rather, a Japanese personality test. It is one of the most amazing and revealing tools for diving into the subconscious.

You can find the instructions online.

It takes about 10 minutes and I bet you will be intrigued by what you learn.

I suspect that the primary reason that curiosity about the self is such a rarity, is that people feel that they already know what they will find if they explore themselves.  Still. I suggest that being as curious about your own psychology as you are about Mars or WWII history or quantum physics may lead you down some interesting rabbit holes and it will make you a more insightful person in the process.  You never know what's lurking below the surface, trust me when I say that it's more than you anticipate and what you find will surprise you.

{feast or famine}

I used to work for a company that wrote and published military manuals. There would be periods of time when we were so busy that we'd be in the office until 11pm and other times when we sat at our desks and read novels- waiting for the next project to come in. People were fond of saying that it was either feast or famine. I am thinking of this today because it seems that this if also true in life,  we tend to be, either in a place of growth and expansion or survival and contraction. These feast or famine feelings, or more appropriately the sense of abundance or scarcity, impacts and sometimes competes with intuition. We really have to pay attention to know when our inner voice is being crowded out by fear of scarcity or famine feelings. 

I've got a feeling

Instinct and intuition often get used interchangeably but they are not the same thing. Instinct is an innate, often fixed, biological  response to stimuli. This does not need to be learned, it is a natural, inherent response. Think of the way a kitten knows how to clean itself or a duckling knows to swim.  

Intuition is similar, in that it is something that is known without any kind of conscious thought or logical reasoning, an unconscious response or immediate understanding. It is a little different because it is derived from internalized experiences and learned information, things like memories and physical responses.  It is often called a gut reaction or feeling because it is deeply felt and understood at a level more embedded in our bodies than our minds. Intuition is also commonly referred to as a little voice that one hears but doesn't hear, it's a mysterious knowing. We are given intuitive nudges each day, most are extremely subtle, perhaps a passing thought that you should take one route over another or call someone you have not thought about in awhile. The more we listen to these, the stronger they become, and the reverse it true as well, if we ignore our intuition, it becomes less perceptible. 

This weekend my 10-year-old nephew and I were listening to true scary stories together while driving. These were not horror tales, just scary recollections of situations that could have been deadly had the young people recalling them not listened to their instincts. Stories of kids who saw a stranger and had the inexplicable urge to run or were offered a ride by a stranger and knew that something off about the person driving. In each of the stories, the feelings the kids had were proven to be correct and the stories were powerful demonstrations of why learning to listen to these hunches is a fundamental and critical tool for navigating the world. 

Intuition is one of the best skills you can help cultivate in a young person. A child who trusts their own judgment is going to be much safer. Trusting one's gut also leads to greater self-assurance and self-confidence. Learning to work with our inner guidance system is one of the most powerful ways of becoming more autonomous and fearless.  

Practice makes perfect

Learning to listen to intuition can take a lot of practice if you start as an older person. distinguishing between intuition and fear takes more practice still. But honing one's intuition is beneficial both professionally and personally. It can be hard to justify taking the time to practice a skill that we can't exactly explain. However, the ability to distinguish between intuition and fear can save your life and help you make better choices. 

It may be easier to learn to listen to intuition by  considering your hunches or nudges in hindsight. As you begin your journey, use a notebook to collect a list of the inexplicable feelings or urges you experience. Write down feelings like when I thought you should stop and grab a loaf of bread, but ignored the thought because you were tired only to find that you had unexpected guests for dinner. Or the urge to get gas at a station you don't usually use, only to discover that your regular station has a mysterious power outage. The more you pay attention, the more you will be able to tell which are important and which are not. 

Another key consideration is whether a response to something is a fear response or intuition. For example, you may logically believe that taking a class on app coding is a great idea for your career, but you may also be intimidated by the thought of taking the class. In situations like this, you will have to learn to listen to yourself. When you think  about the prospect, get a real sense of whether you feel yourself expanding or contracting. If there is a subtle sense of  excitement and feeling of expansion, then what you feel is just fear of the unknown and you should probably sigh up for that class. If, however, what you feel is a clenching or dread, your body  may be telling you that you don't really want to move in that direction. I that case the class may not be for you and may ultimately end up to be a big waste of money and energy.  

Intuition is a skill that you'll never regret cultivating. It can benefit you in every part of your life, from romance to career to fitness, it can also keep you out of harmful situations that your rational mind misses. 

Basically, we know more than we know we know. You know?

{mean old world}

Can we agree that the media puts a higher premium on stories that get ratings? 

Yes? Okay. Great. 

Can we also agree that shocking, upsetting, and tragic stories often score higher ratings than cheerful stories about neighborhoods coming together to care for the elderly or board up dangerous abandoned buildings? 

Excellent, we're still on the same page.

Finally, can we agree that a majority of shows on television (in all its various modern incarnations) rely on violence, murder, cheating, and other generally bad behavior to drive plotlines?

Yes? Awesome. That's settled. Now let's talk about why this is a concrete (not theoretical) problem in our current society. 

Baby, it's a mean, mean world

Yesterday I learned about the social psychology principle termed mean world syndrome by George Gerbner.  It explains what we are currently seeing in the United States, in terms of peoples' incorrect belief that things are more violent and dangerous in our country than they were a year or ten years ago. This term was used to encapsulate Gerbner's research demonstrating a direct correlation between how fearful people feel about the world around them and the amount of television watched. What people see on television, even though much of it is fictional, has an enormous impact on worldview. 

This is a problem because by the time children have reached maturity, they have seen hundreds of thousands of violent acts on television. In spite of the fact that crime rates have declined steadily and dramatically in the United States over the last decade, the images promoted by the media are consistently the most violent. Furthermore, I have read different statistics that state that anywhere from a third to 75% of people committing criminal acts on television go unpunished. This skewed anti-reality is informing reality for many people. 

I looked up the numbers to see if the U.S. was really experiencing more violence, as is pretty commonly accepted anecdotally. (I don't even watch tv, and I often feel that things are falling apart after listening to NPR on my commute to work).  Turns out the numbers clearly show the opposite is true. If you don't believe me, check them out. You can find the FBI Crime data from 1960 here.  

Truth and Fiction

So how can we hold the kind of complexity necessary to successfully navigate reality, in our media scrambled brains? How can we embrace the truth, which is that life is awfully complex and two things that appear to be opposite can sometimes both be true? How can we separate our emotional reactions from the ones grounded in reality? How can we teach our brains to discriminate between the fiction we feed it and the reality required to sustain us? 

Quite simple, we think! We reason! We use the big, beautiful, massively powerful brains we have been given and start actively questioning reality. We ask ourselves why we hold the beliefs we hold. We challenge ourselves to be better and more aware. 

Disclaimer: I do not love television. I think it's dangerous and depressing. This has been my position for many years.

Shout out to Snopes to making so many of us better, more inquisitive, analytical people!

{nothing lasts forever}

This weekend, as a preparation for seeing Star Trek Beyond, we decided to watch the last few Star Trek films. We began with the 2009 Star Trek. Inside on a sunny day, a setting inherently fertile for depression, we hit play. 

I grew up watching Star Trek each week. That quavery space theme song reminds me of the smell of dinner on Sunday evenings. It reminds me of the feeling of the weekend being over and the school week about to start. The feeling of losing something and getting something far less appealing in its place. Gloom and disappointment. I know, it was a great show. Absolutely. Just an unfortunate time-slot. So, all this to say, I was primed for overcast feelings. I just didn't realize how intense they would be. 

Spoiler here, for anyone who has not seen the film – but if you haven't it clearly isn't  important to you, as it's been years since it came out. There's a parallel universe / time travel situation which allows old Spock to meet his younger self. I can't tell you if it was just seeing Leonard Nimoy so old, or if it was something about the juxtaposition of the old and young that turned a dial in my brain, but something clicked, loudly. I became clearly aware that I was going to die. That the world would go on after I was long gone, in much the same manner as it aways had. It was not a theoretical knowing, it was different. I felt the world without me in it. And it was a profoundly strange feeling. 

There are three other experiences in my life that have ever caused me to feel similarly lonely feelings.

First, there is this scene from 1954's Gojira is one of the most crushingly sad things I have ever seen. There is something about being abandoned underwater or in outer space that is suffocatingly sad. The loneliest possible fate.

Next, a dream I once had left me with the same feeling. My father's mother and my mother's mother died months apart. I was living in New Orleans at the time.  I had gone home for my father's mother's funeral and was unable to go home for a second funeral so soon after. The day I heard the news, I called in sick to work and laid in bed. After a time, I fell asleep and dreamed a dream of rare intensity. I was underwater, in an old submarine. I went out into the water in an old suit and somehow, my tank and I got disconnected from the main ship. I floated at the bottom of the dark ocean, knowing I would soon be without air and there was no possibility of making it to the surface or finding the ship. Again the solitary, suffocating sadness, and although it seems literal is a figurative expression.  

Finally, I remember learning about Ishi, last of the Yahi tribe in college. In 1911, he came out of the wilderness in Northern California and was taken by anthropologists to UC Berkley. Ishi, a word that simply means "man,"  lived out his remaining 5 years in a San Francisco university building. He told anthropologists about the last survivors of his tribe; his uncle, mother, sister, and himself describing the events that caused him to seek the company of others. After a traumatic series of events that amounted to the decimation of the tribe. Surveyors found their camp and ransacked it. In the scuffle, he lost his uncle and sister forever. His ailing mother passed away shortly after. From about 1908, he lived alone in the wilderness before finally emerging into modern Western society on the 29th of August, 1911. Ishi quickly captured the cultural imagination of the time, a culture so riveted by tales of the capture of European settlers by "savages" they gave birth to a literary genre.  

Ishi spent his first 50 years in the California wilderness, he had no immunity to the diseases of the city. He died of Tuberculosis in 1916.

I could never tell which part of his story made my heart ache more. The fact that he had to live for years knowing there were probably no others members of his tribe left – that he was likely the last. The fact that he shared no history or traditions with anyone and not one person shared his language or remembered when he was a child. Or the simple fact that he was the last of his people to breathe and wake and feel the sun in his face in the world and after him was extinction.  

{rosetta stone | tabula rasa}

Carved in 196 B.C. and found by French soldiers in Rashid (Rosetta), Egypt in 1799, the 1700 pound Rosetta Stone now lives in the British Museum.  This stone, written in Hieroglyphics (the script used in Ancient Egypt for key religious documents), demotic (common Egyptian writing) and Ancient Greek scripts,  enabled Researchers and Egyptologists to unravel the mysterious meaning of hieroglyphics.  This discovery was a key that enabled Jean- François Champollion to decipher hieroglyphics, unlocking the texts of Ancient Egypt.

Nowadays, the phrase Rosetta stone is used colloquially to indicate something which brings illumination, a breakthrough, or enables one to solve a puzzle. A tabula rasa, on the other hand, is blank. It’s Latin for scraped tablet, or, as we often say, a blank slate.  Your mind is no tabula rasa. You have layers and layers of content and context. There are memories tucked away in there that you aren’t even aware of yet. Sometimes it may seem that you need a Rosetta stone to figure out what is going on. This is where dreams come in. And daydreams. And inscrutable desires.

Our understanding of dreams is, at best, incomplete.  Dreams have been described as our mind’s sorting process, whereby we order the events of a day or week like good little psychological file clerks. They have also described as adventures and travels, in which the soul leaves the body to explore. The truth is that though there are various explanations, dreams are puzzling. We consider them commonplace because each of us has them, but almost no one understands their baffling language or cryptic symbols.

Dreams are something truly enigmatic that we each experience with relative frequency. All humans (as well as, birds and mammals) dream. Whether we recall these dreams or not, we all have them.  Interestingly, science tells us that when we experience activities in our dreams, the same parts of the brain fire as when we do the actual activities, meaning that at some level dreams are quite real, but that is the subject for another post.

Throughout human history, dreams have held significance for many societies. They have predicted the falls of kingdoms, inspired enduring music and literature, scientific discovery,  and medical advances.

Dreams can tell us something or nothing. Dream dictionaries attempt to explain all kind of symbols, like that a dream of sauerkraut indicates good health or the common dream of losing teeth means one lacks self-confidence. These definitions may seem silly, but some interpretations are fairly ubiquitous. For example, dreams of a house often correlate with the body and water often tells the dreamer something about their emotional state. The rest of the typical dream motifs tend to be deeply personal. To simplify: what a bat symbolizes for an American and what it means to a Chinese person is different. In essence, each person is the Rosetta stone needed to understand their own dreams. And this applies as well, to all subconscious desires and inner stories. All the mysterious things that come to our minds, can only be categorically understood by our own minds until properly deciphered and brought into the daytime world. Interpreters can repeat our dreams back to us, enabling us to make necessary connections, but we alone have the Rosetta stones to our depths.