{germain topics}

Monday night the Metropolis bike group ended up at Belle Isle, as usual. I had to go to the bathroom, so I broke off from the group and rode through the center of the island, back to the Tim Horton's where everyone regroups after riding around the island. There were a few riders there already. None that I knew well. I asked if anyone would watch my bike because I really had to use the bathroom and a guy I had not met before offered. I ran to the door, only to find it locked. My new friend, Mark suggested the gas station nearby, but I looked in the other direction, finding the Big Boy a finer option. I was going to leave the bike and run over, but he said he'd ride over with me. 

I walked through the glass doors of the restaurant, ant it was like entering the 70s. It really felt as if those doors were a portal to another time. The light was dim, there was some unrecognizable smooth jazz sounding muzak, I had the impression that the walls were wood paneled, though I can't say whether they really were. An older woman saw me scanning the place and pointed to a dim hall, "right there, ma'am." I thanked her and made my way to the restroom, where I found an abnormal amount of glitter and sparkle on the floor. 

On my way out, I noted that she had her hands on a very well loved bible and was drinking coffee. A man had joined her and it appeared that she was reading to him. I said good night and re-entered my own time. As Mark and I were leaving, we were approached by a man who had a big shopping cart full of a bike. He began talking fast to us. telling us an extremely dramatic tale of being nearly sandwiched between two cars on the Slow Roll ride earlier that evening. He started to ask us for money, and Mark said we had no change, I almost agreed, but something told me to give the guy something. I reached into my pocket and gave him what I grabbed. He thanked me and then began telling us a more animated story about a lawsuit and a house - his mother's house and how she died because she was supposed to have a surgery to have a growth removed from her fallopian tube but the doctor accidentally cut out her liver instead, killing her. He was going to meet with a lawyer the following day. He was going to get the deed to  his mother's house back and we could come stay there and there would be food so that we could eat until we were full, eat for days. He was going to sue the doctor who birthed him, too - he pointed out a number of scars on his face and underside if his chin and told us the doctor made big mistakes. This seemed unlikely, it all seemed highly unlikely, because he looked like he was in his 40s and if the doctor who did all the damage, and whose name he could not quite recall,  was still alive, he was definitely old. We asked his name,  "Jermaine," he told us.

He gave me this feeling I first experienced in childhood. My dad had a good friend named Doug. Doug lived in California and was very cool, earrings and a motorcycle and a youthful enthusiasm. One time when he was home visiting, he started telling me about some plan he had, to become a famous singer. He played me a recording of himself singing along with Spandau Ballet. I was young. Maybe 12 and distinctly recall feeling sad for him. Feeling disbelief that he'd ever achieve his unrealistic dream. He had other plans too, I can't recall them anymore, but even as a kid, I knew he was not going to get rich from any of them. Even though he wholeheartedly believed them. I later came to think of people with these kinds of improbable dreams and schemes as grifter types. These grifters might have varying levels of sinister-ness, but they all made me equally sad. 

Jermaine hugged Mark and we told him we had to go. He wanted to pray for us first. 

He said a long convoluted prayer that was mostly the Lord's Prayer but contained a long tangent about how Satan was trying to own the world for 100 years and we must fight against his darkness. He began to tell us all the people he'd lost in recent months. Aunts and cousins. Many losses. After saying the prayer he told us to be safe. He hugged Mark again and we rode away to rejoining the group. 

As we ride away, Mark noted that is was odd. I told him it was not especially odd for me. "Oh, you are one of those people," he said. 

Yes. I am one of those people. 

{the should/could balance}

Make a list of 10 things you should do right now. 

Read the list and decide whether any of these items feels expansive and inspiring. 

Now write a list of the things you could do right now. If you had more money, more time, more energy, whatever. 

Read the list and decide if any of these items feel expansive and inspiring.

I am not going to tell you what you think I am. I am not going to say to throw away the shoulds and focus on the coulds. That would be awesome, but, it is not realistic and most of all, it would probably make you feel bad about yourself and your life. It would make you feel like you should forget about the shoulds and focus on the coulds. It would turn potential into drudgery. That is not our goal.  That kind of thinking turns possibility into pressure. We want to allow each their space. 

Instead, I propose a 50/50 split. 

For every should, you get a could. Kind of like a reward, but more like checks and balances. We have taste buds for savory and sweet foods. Our bodies are designed for participation in both the waking world and the rejuvenation of sleep.

In time and with practice, you can probably work this system so that you have 60% could-time and 40% should-time. You never know.

Start with balance.

This is a lesson in self-care.

{interior landscapes}

Curiosity is everything. 

Literally.

Whether or not you are a believer in the law of attraction, you can't deny that thoughts do, in fact, become things. Before the shoes on your feet were shoes, they were a thought in a designer's mind. The designer put the thought onto paper or into digital form. This was scrutinized by a creative director, approved by a brand, and then manufactured in a factory in a country you've probably never visited. This whole complex, physical manufacturing process began with imagination which is fueled by curiosity. The factory began as a thought or plan, as did the supply chain, and the companies that designed and distributed the shoes. Everything in our modern world has a common origin. 

Everything begins as thought. 

Before there were trains, cars, phones,  or computers, there were thoughts that went something like this, "What if a machine could...."  Curiosity leads to progress, growth, innovation, and change. Curiosity propels us to shift our lives, over and over again. 

As a society, if not individually, we routinely apply curiosity to the exterior world, but what about our inner, emotional and spiritual landscape? How is it that for most people, curiosity is only ever projected outward? Why aren't the inner depths a source of equal wonder? 

Much of our society has not yet learned to value this kind of curiosity. It's a shame because the more we explore our deepest and most personal thoughts and gain emotional intelligence, the more expansive our curiosity can grow.  

I knew a man many years ago who was extremely intelligent, likely a genius on a number of fronts. But, as with so many brilliant people, he was an underachiever.  Instead of making huge contributions to society, he taught everyone he encountered, usually something unexpected. 

One night we played a game. We only played this game once, because it is the kind of game that can only be played once. And though I have not seen or spoken to him in years, I still vividly remember the game and the way my answers illuminated things about myself which I was not concretely or consciously aware of. This game was called The Cube and was not really a game, but rather, a Japanese personality test. It is one of the most amazing and revealing tools for diving into the subconscious.

You can find the instructions online.

It takes about 10 minutes and I bet you will be intrigued by what you learn.

I suspect that the primary reason that curiosity about the self is such a rarity, is that people feel that they already know what they will find if they explore themselves.  Still. I suggest that being as curious about your own psychology as you are about Mars or WWII history or quantum physics may lead you down some interesting rabbit holes and it will make you a more insightful person in the process.  You never know what's lurking below the surface, trust me when I say that it's more than you anticipate and what you find will surprise you.

{feast or famine}

I used to work for a company that wrote and published military manuals. There would be periods of time when we were so busy that we'd be in the office until 11pm and other times when we sat at our desks and read novels- waiting for the next project to come in. People were fond of saying that it was either feast or famine. I am thinking of this today because it seems that this if also true in life,  we tend to be, either in a place of growth and expansion or survival and contraction. These feast or famine feelings, or more appropriately the sense of abundance or scarcity, impacts and sometimes competes with intuition. We really have to pay attention to know when our inner voice is being crowded out by fear of scarcity or famine feelings. 

I've got a feeling

Instinct and intuition often get used interchangeably but they are not the same thing. Instinct is an innate, often fixed, biological  response to stimuli. This does not need to be learned, it is a natural, inherent response. Think of the way a kitten knows how to clean itself or a duckling knows to swim.  

Intuition is similar, in that it is something that is known without any kind of conscious thought or logical reasoning, an unconscious response or immediate understanding. It is a little different because it is derived from internalized experiences and learned information, things like memories and physical responses.  It is often called a gut reaction or feeling because it is deeply felt and understood at a level more embedded in our bodies than our minds. Intuition is also commonly referred to as a little voice that one hears but doesn't hear, it's a mysterious knowing. We are given intuitive nudges each day, most are extremely subtle, perhaps a passing thought that you should take one route over another or call someone you have not thought about in awhile. The more we listen to these, the stronger they become, and the reverse it true as well, if we ignore our intuition, it becomes less perceptible. 

This weekend my 10-year-old nephew and I were listening to true scary stories together while driving. These were not horror tales, just scary recollections of situations that could have been deadly had the young people recalling them not listened to their instincts. Stories of kids who saw a stranger and had the inexplicable urge to run or were offered a ride by a stranger and knew that something off about the person driving. In each of the stories, the feelings the kids had were proven to be correct and the stories were powerful demonstrations of why learning to listen to these hunches is a fundamental and critical tool for navigating the world. 

Intuition is one of the best skills you can help cultivate in a young person. A child who trusts their own judgment is going to be much safer. Trusting one's gut also leads to greater self-assurance and self-confidence. Learning to work with our inner guidance system is one of the most powerful ways of becoming more autonomous and fearless.  

Practice makes perfect

Learning to listen to intuition can take a lot of practice if you start as an older person. distinguishing between intuition and fear takes more practice still. But honing one's intuition is beneficial both professionally and personally. It can be hard to justify taking the time to practice a skill that we can't exactly explain. However, the ability to distinguish between intuition and fear can save your life and help you make better choices. 

It may be easier to learn to listen to intuition by  considering your hunches or nudges in hindsight. As you begin your journey, use a notebook to collect a list of the inexplicable feelings or urges you experience. Write down feelings like when I thought you should stop and grab a loaf of bread, but ignored the thought because you were tired only to find that you had unexpected guests for dinner. Or the urge to get gas at a station you don't usually use, only to discover that your regular station has a mysterious power outage. The more you pay attention, the more you will be able to tell which are important and which are not. 

Another key consideration is whether a response to something is a fear response or intuition. For example, you may logically believe that taking a class on app coding is a great idea for your career, but you may also be intimidated by the thought of taking the class. In situations like this, you will have to learn to listen to yourself. When you think  about the prospect, get a real sense of whether you feel yourself expanding or contracting. If there is a subtle sense of  excitement and feeling of expansion, then what you feel is just fear of the unknown and you should probably sigh up for that class. If, however, what you feel is a clenching or dread, your body  may be telling you that you don't really want to move in that direction. I that case the class may not be for you and may ultimately end up to be a big waste of money and energy.  

Intuition is a skill that you'll never regret cultivating. It can benefit you in every part of your life, from romance to career to fitness, it can also keep you out of harmful situations that your rational mind misses. 

Basically, we know more than we know we know. You know?