{everything is everything}

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together."

Once upon a time, I read the Tao Te Ching and thought it was nonsense. I was young. I thought Lao Tzu was just talking in circles trying to sound complex and that there was not any real depth to the words. When I heard the lines quoted above from The Beatles and when Marvin Gaye said "everything is everything", I thought they were just using too many drugs and experiencing intoxication wisdom. 

Youth is funny that way. You think you know everything, you really think you've got quite a few things figured out. It's a pretty great feeling, the sense of having your ducks in a row, and more on the horizon ready to line up for you. 

Then you grow. 

Your mind gets filled with landscapes and experiences and loves and losses. You meet people with lives different than any you could have imagined. You visit places where unfamiliar customs make you question why things are done the way they are done in your culture. You evolve from certainty to the helplessness of knowing very little for certain. If you are lucky, you can find peace in that uncomfortable state of openness. You can see that it is a gift. 

You may pine for the sense of stability that the absolute beliefs of youth gave you while taking refuge in the flexibility of wisdom. The beautiful peace of bewilderment. 

You may feel oneness with people, plants, oceans, and animals. You may sense that there is an unseen order. The Golden Ratio in growth patterns of flowers and leaves on branches. Perfect spirals of the chambered nautilus reminding us of our own potential for growth,  as it leaves behind and seals off the space that it has outgrown. As above, so below – this shape is repeated in galaxies. 

Too many clues to ignore. Not enough evidence to know. This is our conundrum and the origin of our striving. We focus that drive to know outward, at best, developing cures for disease and saving forests – at worst being consumed by greed and consumerism, but truly that is because the thing we seek feels impossible to achieve. It's akin to a book written in an unknown language. It means nothing to us if we can't decipher it. 

With practice, we can learn to read it. Still, buying new records seems so much more pleasing than studying all evening. We have grown lazy and it is fracturing us at the soul level, making us sick,  and ruining our societies.  

{dying days of duality}

A little while ago, was asked if I believed a person could be a racist and a good person. I don't. The hardest part about this election has been that it has made us all see things we wish we had not had to see about others – people we thought we knew.

While that question was a clear and simple one, the question that I have struggled with for these last months is: can a good person support an avid racist, sexist, sexual predator, xenophobe, liar, crook, narcissist, and general hater who wants to take away the rights of a majority of the population while serving the privileged few, ignoring the fact of the deep moral shortcoming inherent in all of those positions. That is a tremendous moral compromise requiring some bizarre ethical acrobatics. I suspect the answer is no, I know it is for me, but it is a much more challenging question, to be certain.

I have only unfriended one person over this (she specifically asked that all liberals unfriend her) because I don't want to shut off dialog. Unfortunately, I have yet to have an intelligent, insightful conversation with a supporter of this new "President". I have heard a lot of people saying things that simply were not true or spouting fear-based beliefs, but I have not heard a heartfelt argument of substance. And the one thing I have absolutely not heard is a compelling or legitimate justification for all the foul things the man has said and done. I have heard people say that they had personally been as vulgar as the president-elect, or that the other candidate was also vile, but the last time I checked, "I did it because he did" was simply not a valid justification. It's the reasoning of a toddler. Furthermore, this individual is meant to be held to a higher standard of accountability for honesty, integrity, and intelligence. I mean, you don't want your child molesting asshole uncle who can't spell, cheats at cards, and steals grandma's pain pills in the White House.... do you? Do you?

This has been a very trying time. I have felt wholly disheartened, confused, and often shocked and disgusted by the things I have seen my fellow citizens do and say. In the end, I am glad I know that this ugliness is still so big. It is much easier to fight against an enemy you can see. Given the choice between the simple bliss of ignorance and the weight of knowledge, I'd choose knowledge every time. I hope this new knowledge empowers us. I know we've all felt as if the wind was knocked out of us for a minute, but now, we each have to move forward, scales fallen from our eyes, and do the good work we are here to do.

{watching it crumble}

Since the election, I have experienced a deep despair, unlike anything I have ever experienced before in my life. 

Hopelessness, like a dark dense shadow, fell over me and I've been unable to turn it around in any meaningful way. I have been more kind to others, that is true. I have tried my best to practice what I believe and be a better human being. But, my heart feels broken, and this is nothing like a romantic heartbreak. I'm a different kind of hungry ghost these days. I have the sense that the world is not a good or safe place anymore and that I am not living in a country where people share the same virtuous values. 

Now clearly, for this sentiment to erupt wich such ferocity, it has been a worm in the bud of our peace for some time.  Still, the constant reminder, through this devastating string of some 700-800 hate crimes (so far) – that so many of my fellow citizens, in light of all we know about fascism and the dangers of blind nationalism & xenophobia guided by a deceitful dictator,  willfully ignore historical precedent. This undermines the fabric of our society. 

The bottom line is that though I know that all supporters of the President are not avowed racists, they are accepting of and complicit with a proud racist. They have all accepted racist rhetoric as a key component of the "values-based" campaign that "won" victory for an arrogant, mean-spirited, emotionally immature man. This demagogue has exploited the basest fears of the most historically entitled group in our population and capitalized on the seeming inability of a huge percent of the population to demonstrate the discipline to read an article start to finish or entertain different opinions. Particularly, the failure of fact and logic, have been the hallmarks of this moral catastrophe. I have recently learned that we make decisions based, not on fact, but rather, on feeling. Which is fine when we are choosing a television show to watch, but not when deciding the future of our country and by extension, the world.

I call it a moral catastrophe because nearly half of the people who voted, voted for an individual espousing beliefs and plans designed to disenfranchise and cause danger and upheaval to a large segment of the population – the most vulnerable segment. A political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular fears and prejudices rather than by using rational argument. A narcissist and a psychological toddler. 

All that said, the only things that have given me comfort and eased my soul since the demise of my beloved country has shifted into high gear, as been putting my feet on the pavement and marching with my fellow citizens. My heart has been so damaged that I thought it might not be capable of feeling right or good or full again. 

But holding signs and marching and standing in solidarity with fellow citizens has reminded me, again and again, that though the mean-spirited old white men are enjoying their swan song now.

We have the numbers and we know that:  Mni Wiconi (Water is Life), Black Lives Matter, Civil Rights are Family Values, Immigrants Make America Great, Men Should NOT Legislate Women's Bodies.